Friends. Fans. Creditors. The day has finally come. The day where I tell you what the hell I’ve been doing since the end of our last tour. I know there are only, like, four of you at this point, but the beauty of the blogosphere is that even megabloggers like Wesley Crusher do their actual blogging just like the rest of us: naked, stoned off toad adrenaline, and listening to Enya on two stereos at once. It doesn’t matter how many people out there care who you are – we all blog the same color. It’s what brings us together. It’s what makes us human.
Anyone who’s talked to me in the past, well, six and a half months knows that I’ve been working around the clock to get my latest mad internet venture up and running ASAP. (Not in the sense that my work has been all-consuming; rather, there’s this giant clock in my office that’s in dire need of repair, and my partner and I literally have to work around it.)
But it’s been a hell of a ride. I’ve learned things. I’ve bled my own hot blood onto a thousand rusting keyboards. I’ve spent enough time at my 24 hour Starbucks to hear two separate cover versions of “One” by U2. And I’ve Photoshopped over seven pandas.
We were supposed to go live on April 1st. Then May 1st. Then May 15th. Then June 1st. Then June 15th. Then July 9th. I was told repeatedly that this was normal; I was told repeatedly that this was insane.
And then, one morning, not unlike today morning, which is in fact the exact morning that it was, I woke up in the arms of my creepy green Starbucks mermaid and there it was: our website. We had somehow gone live in the night, which, as anyone who’s ever launched a website can tell you, means that the nailbiting and sleepless nights we thought we’d put behind us had only just begun.
The long and short of it is, I have this new website now. It’s called Panda Control. It’s not replacing the LLC in any way, it’s simply this totally other thing that’s been sucking my time like a chupacabra with sorority kneepads, and it finally works, sort of. It probably won’t make a whole lot of sense until August or so, but I figured I’d let the four of you in on it now, while it’s still in beta, so that someday you can tell your grandchildren you were one of the first 100 PandaControllers, and they’ll maybe finally start respecting you again.
Kidding. I’m sure you guys have a great relationship.
Anyways, that’s where I’ve been, and that’s where I’ll be when I’m not here. Which is often, I’m afraid, because there’s only so much a band can do through its website. But I figured you should know. We’ll be in touch more soon, all of us. Thanks for your time.