Dear America,
I would like to humbly issue an apology for all the confusion that last night’s blog caused.. We here at Speechwriters LLC, and I personally, am very sorry.
Last night, we stayed at our buddy Tyson’s place. Ty is a good man, as is his roommate, Robert Burns. Both men are fantastically well-read and have large book collections filled with books by authors like Dystoevesky, Kant, and Chuck Paloniuk (all authors’ names misspelled here, other than Kant).
If we had promised America to read a page of good literature every night before bed, we certainly could have lived up to our promise there in Ty and Robert’s fine Brooklyn apartment. Unfortunately, we promised America to sit down and spend a few minutes with them every evening. We needed the Internet to do this. T&R did not have the Internet.
As luck would have it, one of my best friends, John Belveal (aka Bells, or [perhaps, because we’ve never written down his nickname, nor talked about how to spell it] Bels), had been chomping at the bit to post ever since I had my girlfriend post when I was similarly stranded from Internet access in Columbus Ohio (at the house of O.A.R.’s merchandise man no less.. he and his roommates had just moved in and hadn’t installed DSL yet)(yes, go back and read the Monday October 10th post.. come on people, i don’t have diction like that, my sentences aren’t nearly as elegant and my opinions aren’t nearly that informed.. and my mom actually wrote me an email saying that it was a very sophisticated post.. sorry mom:)..
Anyway, with Bells eager to post, (perhaps because of the boredom caused by his unaccountable, and frankly unjustified cold streak with the ladies [girls, ladies,and woman of America, listen up: see this man dance and you will fall in love]), and the Internetless circumstances as they were, I gave Bells the login and password and he spoke to you all, touched your lives in some small way..
Except that some of you thought it was me..
Confusion (thankfully not bedlam) ensued… I got a few concerned personal emails from friends inquiring about my new situation.. Bells got some weird texts.. My bandmates shook their heads..
Twenty-four hours later, the dust has settled, and as i’ve officially changed the login and password, you’ll probably never hear from Bells again.. For the record, America voted B, and he went out for the 21st birthday party, got really really drunk, and called me this morning so hungover that he had to get off the phone after thirty seconds because he realized that he was too hungover to talk. My friends realized that there had been a mix-up and retracted their well-meaning advice. My bandmates silently insisted that I right our precarious internet weblog “ship of state”..
And I, for my part, learned a valuable lesson: the Internet is a sometimes-dangerous place that can breed confusion and misunderstanding.
Thanks for listening, and stay tuned for more heartfelt apologies/corrections/retractions from the Fall Tour 2005.
Sincerely,
Misha Chellam, pure LLC since ’01