“Whoops.”

Hi guys. Dave here with another one of SWLLC’s seemingly hourly Formal Apologies.

Something went screwy with our email about three months ago, and our server (the same one that was, as you may recall, spirited away to Cuba back in early ’02) apparently decided that it was going to keep something like 50% of our incoming messages for itself, presumably to read over with a nice glass of sherry after everyone else had gone home.

We know nothing of its motives and are keeping an open mind, but I will let you know, off the record, that I personally suspect foul play.

Anyways, I used to be the global network administrator for a consulting firm that spanned five continents, so it only took me one calendar “season” to figure out what was going on. Which I finally did, just now, and I’m pretty sure I fixed it.

But holy hell, guys. I feel like a jerk, times twenty. This was staggeringly unprofessional and entirely my fault, so I will provide anyone who’s interested with handwritten directions to both my head and the nearest knife-pike-platter store, where you can even get something nice for yourself and put the whole thing on my tab. Otherwise, there are about a thousand of you who will be hearing from us personally in the next couple of days, so get ready.

Sorry about that,

Dave

UPDATE: OK, it turns out things weren’t nearly as bad as they initially seemed, so I still apologize but would like to take back the part where I said I would pay for you to cut off my head. Thanks.

Things found while looking for work, Volume 1

Make Up Artist Needed (for Werewolf)

Date: 2003-08-24, 11:29PM

I am looking for a make up artist who can transform me into a Werewolf. I am planning ahead for Halloween. Torn closes, hairy, bloody, the whole bit. Interested in the older Werewolves, 60’s 70’s , not the “American Werewolf in London” type. Dress rehearsal prior to Halloween a must. Please email me with interest and cost, remember you will be doing it twice, once for a dress rehearsal prior to Halloween and the day/ late afternoon of Halloween. Must be available for make up on Halloween.

Note: I live in Tacoma.

This will eventually be edited into a fantastic post about everything I hold dear and why we’re all here doing this today.