a letter to canada:

Dear Canada,

We seem to like a lot of your exports. In fact, if you were warmer, you’d be a kick ass place. I’m not sure about the hockey thing or the pronounciation of the word “about,” but I do love Avril and Throwback, so maybe you all should stay away from sports and linguistics and stick to music.

One other thing that you’re good at: brewing Moosehead lager. What you are not so good at is sending that Moosehead to America’s largest city, New York. Please send more Moosehead down to New York, so we don’t have to abandon our friends at 2am to search the city for the sacred beer.


ps. we found it eventually, and drank you with pride. Canada, you can’t hold us down, and, for the record, neither can you New York.
pps. New York, don’t spite us with morning traffic because of what i said before. we need to make it up to Maine tomorrow.

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